so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
bring money and cleavage
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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