What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
