I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
