how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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