We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
