Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
