I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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