I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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