i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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