I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
