He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
