Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
