She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
