so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
