You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
