We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
