Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
