1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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