We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
