I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
