So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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