I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize