The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
