smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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