he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
