Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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