yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize