in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
