OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
