i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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