Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
