So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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