apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
