I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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