question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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