Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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