i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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