So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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