I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
