Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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