Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
