My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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