I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My ass is underappreciated
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
