I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
