It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
