the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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