i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
