I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
