We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
