just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
