i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
