her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
