Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
