the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
