he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
