return my video game
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
