dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
