I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
