your parents love me but you hate me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
