Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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