you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
