So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
