on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
