Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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