Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
