Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
