does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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