I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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