My nipple is on Facebook.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
