I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
