sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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