I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
