If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
