You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
