do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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