I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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