can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
