hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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