Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
