Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
