I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
sex in a hospital.. check
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
