Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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