this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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