can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
