just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
