We need to rekindle our bromance
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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