I think scott just propositioned me for sex
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
