So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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