I CAN MOONWALK!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
