Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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