I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
