The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
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