How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize