Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
