You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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