Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
