she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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