TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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