I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
