You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
